Class Reunion DOs and DON’Ts

Reunions are for remembering. Clarksdale (Mississippi) High School Class of 1980, at their 35th reunion.
Photographed and produced by Calvin (Juice) Clark.

DON’T
assume the Reunion Committee contacted everyone in the class. If you’ve kept in touch with classmates, take a few minutes to send their names and addresses to the Committee and thank them for taking care of the details.

DON’T
complain about paying twenty bucks per person for a cold sandwich-and-coleslaw buffet. Remember that the Reunion Committee has to pay for printing and postage, questionnaires and invitations, name tags, programs, decorations, prizes and music.

DO
call special friends before the reunion to arrange extra time together to catch up — perhaps arrive a day early. Then, you’ll be free to circulate at the reunion instead of talking to just one or two people all night.

DON’T
try to lose weight to impress anyone else. Don’t start a diet the day your invitation arrives. Sometimes dropping a few pounds genuinely boosts your confidence but when all is said and done, others will remember only whether you seemed happy.

DO
go shopping for something to wear that makes you feel attractive. Forget about designer labels. Look for something that’s flattering, comfortable and appropriate for the setting (picnic, dinner or dance). Also plan ahead for shoes (you’ll be doing a lot of standing and dancing) and accessories.

DON’T
wear ‘electric blue frost’ eye shadow unless your reunion is held around Halloween.

DO
practice a facial expression in front of a mirror to maintain in the event you encounter an old nemesis, the captain of the football team, head cheerleader or anyone who arrives in a Jaguar, Porsche or Mercedes. Achieve a countenance that conveys your disdain for material possessions.

DO
think in advance about answers to questions you’ll inevitably be asked. Have ready replies to such boners as “Weren’t you the one with the humongous braces?” or “Remember when you threw up on the bus in third grade?” or “Wasn’t it you who slipped and fell during the finale of the senior play?”

DON’T
try to memorize your yearbook. Name tags will tell you exactly who you’re looking at and you can exclaim, “Is that really you? You haven’t changed a bit!” Besides, you will truly be amazed at how little everyone has changed … at least on the outside.

DO
take your spouse if 1) you’re attending just to observe and don’t plan any prolonged reminiscences with old buddies; 2) s/he is able to entertain him/herself; 3) you know for certain your old girl/boyfriend isn’t going to be there; 4) s/he was a classmate.

DON’T
take your spouse if you’re susceptible to the mood of the moment. Steeped in recollections of the carefree and reckless attitudes of your youth — a former editor and her husband came away from a 20-year class reunion weekend with more than memories – nine months later their third child was born.

DO
indulge yourself in recollection. Pack yearbooks and scrapbooks if you’re driving to the reunion. If there’s going to be an informal get-together like a picnic, take the books along to share with others who will appreciate being reminded of common memories. It’s not suggested that you drag the books to a formal dinner dance.

DON’T
take your entire library of family albums and vacation pictures spanning the past 20 years. But, DO take along a few pictures of your kids (and, of course, grand and great-grandkids, where appropriate). Old friends are really happy to see them. And, you’d like to see (a few) of their pictures.

DO
make a real effort to express your thanks to those who organized the reunion. Who knows? Enough appreciation and flattery may make them overlook the headaches of planning the event and they may volunteer to organize the next one.

DO
remember that when people exclaim, “You haven’t changed a bit,” they’re only dealing with externals. No doubt about it: you have changed and likely for the better. A reunion will return you to scenes of your adolescence, when you worried about wardrobe, hair and complexion. By the 20th reunion you’ll still be wondering about hair (where it’s going), and your complexion (where the lines are coming from). No matter which reunion it is, you should use the opportunity to reflect upon where you’ve been, how far you’ve come … and, of course, where you’re going.

DON’T
fail to consider the more important questions that will inevitably be posed, particularly near the end of the evening when everyone is suitably loosened up and nostalgic to “get down to brass tacks.” Someone asked a friend, “What have you learned?” Her reflection was that “bad things happen to good people, and that we have an amazing capacity to survive.”